Most of the time in the workplace, people seek to cloak this emotion; anger often is not allowed in organizations, and people may cloak it as saying they are irritated, annoyed, or exasperated.
- To look at external causes.
- To look into ourselves.
The human tendency is to look outwardly first. Examples: Steve is so frustrating! They won’t provide modern computers! Why don’t they fill the potholes?! Those things may be true, and none of those exclamations are useful. Leaders need to dig into what makes themselves frustrated.
Our thoughts that look outside of us for frustration can be reframed with “and…”. Steve is so frustrating, and [he is under a lot of pressure, lacks competence in a needed area, is a poor communicator, and so on]. Even if Steve is a poor communicator, a leader can become curious of how to support Steve to become a better communicator (at least with you).
Some considerations for managing frustration include:
- Recognize that doing nothing will not create change, so step into the situation.
- Exercise, especially outdoors. Anything, at your pace and ability.
- Journal your reactions and thoughts. This helps the swirl of self-talk.
- Before the next conversation, identify one key message for the conversation (it is better to chip away at the frustration rather than expect it to be resolved in one dialog).
- Center yourself, and imagine that the meeting will be successful.
- Ask them what their mood or attitude is for the issue, and then ask the other person for their observations, opinions, and reactions. (perhaps there is shared frustration, a place to start).
- Start your side of the conversation with “I” statements, such as: “I get angry when you speak to me in such-in-such way.” Avoid starting with “You…”, as that may set-off the other person.
- Propose an option to improve or solve the situation, or ask them for their suggestion.
- Create the next opening: When can we follow-up on this issue?
Mostly, approach it from growth and kindness, especially for yourself.
